If you’re a high achiever (and make it a large part of your identity), you’ve likely struggled with asking for help and delegating work to others. You tell yourself that the reason you hesitate to “let go” is because you don’t want it to reflect poorly on you, your team, and your company. This may be true, but more often than not, the fear is deeper rooted than that – what you’re actually afraid of is having to change your assessment of what doing something the “right way” is because this would require admitting that you’re “wrong.” You have a fear of vulnerability – not failure.

The process of identifying, accepting, and overcoming this fear is different for each of us, and varies widely on how ingrained it is into your identity. Regardless of where you are on this journey, here are three simple ways to reframe the limiting beliefs behind this fear so that accepting it can begin to feel more attainable.

Limiting belief: This is the only correct way to do [X], and if it isn’t done this way, it will be a failure. 
Reframe: I believe this is the correct way to do [X] to the best of my knowledge, but it may not be the only way to get to the same result. 

This reframe opens up the possibility for you to at least be receptive to learning about alternate methods of fulfilling certain tasks and responsibilities. The control you have by believing your way is the only way is a source of comfort for you, and it will take time to let that go, little by little. By starting with mere acknowledgement of other possible solutions outside of your own, you’re starting to loosen your grip just slightly on your belief and inch closer to being comfortable with vulnerability. 

Limiting belief: If I delegate this work, and it’s completed in a way that doesn’t meet my standards, I will just have to re-do it myself.
Reframe: If I delegate this work, and it’s completed in a way that doesn’t meet my standards, I can use it as a teaching opportunity to educate my team member on the standards I want everyone to hold themselves to. 

In this scenario, the challenge is to break your assumption that you’re the only one who can perform at the level needed to fulfill the job requirement. This may be jarring at first, because holding yourself to high expectations is a part of your identity and what makes you stand out amongst your peers. While it feels like a loss, remember that what you gain is a relinquishing of the responsibility of ALWAYS having to be the one that does it “right.” It frees you up to pursue other, more challenging opportunities so you can continue to develop your personal standards for excellence. 

Limiting belief: I can’t trust anyone else to do this work because I know that they don’t have the skills or desire to do it correctly. 
Reframe: I don’t want to trust anyone else to do this work because I am afraid to admit that I am wrong and let go of the notion of always being “right.” 

Admitting to this fear can be a daunting and overwhelming experience. However, it’s important to note that you’re not doing anything with the fear – you’re just acknowledging that it exists. By sitting with it, it’s no longer hiding in your subconscious and keeping you trapped in the cycle of always having to be “right.” You’re now just looking at it face to face, and once you can sit with it, you will eventually create an opportunity to overcome it. 

These reframes are only the first step in overcoming your fear of losing control, but they create the spark that’s needed to get the process started. By shifting your assessments ever so slightly, you begin to open up space for change to happen and to discover the true power of vulnerability.

If you’re struggling with delegation or overcoming your fear of vulnerability and want to learn about how coaching could help you, please send me an email at [email protected] or click the button below to schedule a discovery session.